Art, Not Perfection

Art class as I see it.....

When the boys are in class and are given instructions on what to draw or paint I love to see what their interpretation of the instructions were.  In watching all of the children (and parents) in the class, I found it interesting that everyone wants to look at everyone else's work to see if their neighbor's art is better than theirs. 

I have a love/hate relationship with our art class.  Art class is test of my patience.  It's messy.  It's long.  It's interpretive.  I have boys.  Busy boys.  Imaginative boys.  (Did I already say busy???)  It takes every last drop of patience I have to take the boys to art.  We haven't ever missed a class, but, believe me - I've fantasized thought about it. 

You see, I'm a rule follower.  I'm a black/white kind of gal.  I've never been good at interpreting or creating art.  If there are assembly instructions, I can build it.  If there are numbers assigned to colors, I can paint-by-number.  If there's a pattern, I can sew it.  But to go all  willy-nilly with a paint brush....are you kidding me?  It's just not my thing.  I think people that can do that are awesome, but I have never developed that skill.

It's hard for me sometimes to watch the boys paint their assignments in art.  Their paper gets goopy with too much paint, not enough water.  Their are drips.  Globs.  Smears.  And, at times they don't follow the instructions at all.  But, I really want them to have this experience.  I want them to be able to develop this if it interests them.  I want them to have the opportunity.  I have to admit, I am sometimes tempted in class to pick up a paintbrush and swirl some paint around (but before I get too excited about it, one of the boys has a glob emergency). 

I love that they are creating, whether it follows instructions or not.  Whether the paint is mixed to the right hue or not.  Whether their tree looks like a tree or not.  The thing is, it's their art.  It's personal.  Their faces while creating it make our art trip worth while.  Their drawings or paintings don't have to be my definition of perfect - it's art. 

You'd be surprised at the kids & parents who walk out of the class either in tears or very angry.  I think the whole point of art is that it is interpretive.  I understand following directions to a point in art, but in the end one person's art vision is not the next person's vision.  That's the beauty of it, isn't it?  I'm pretty sure that frustration, anger and tears shouldn't be a big part of art class.  That's just my interpretation...

 

More Kid-isms

Last night when cleaning up, I came across a gross, squishy Lego head.  I asked if we really needed this creepy head or if I could throw it away.  Harrison replies, "Mom, you need to be way more Star Wars-y and way less ballet-y."  Hamilton chimes in, "Yeah, mom!  Watch the movies!  If you did, you'd know that was Kit-Fisto (sp?)".  For the record - I don't, nor have I ever ballet danced. 

I wrote on our family calendar for this Saturday "Women's Retreat".  I explained that it was a retreat for women only.  Hamilton asked how many days away it was.  When we counted the days and discussed it was this weekend, Harrison started to cry.  He said, "Mom, you are so mean!  Why would you go trick-or-treating with out us?  It's not fair that only women get to do that!"   I explained that it wasn't  trick-or-treating, that it was a time where women met to talk.  He was releived I wasn't going to "re-treat" his candy from Halloween.

Some things they say are so cute, and I know I should probably correct them, but I just can't.  Like

• Hamilton says "esipode" for episode.  It's too darn cute!
• Harrison says "Plessaleenech" for the Pledge of Allegiance.

The other night Henderson had a splinter in his heel.  While we were pulling it out, Henderson was going CRAZY crying and screaming.  The older two were hysterical, too.  At one point, Hamilton cries out, "Is he gonna lose a foot?"  Then Henderson really freaked.  Thanks, Red!

My little Henderson - I love him so much.  I love the age of 3.  He sits on the bathroom counter while I put on my makeup and asks me what each thing is for.  I'll tell him, "This is mascara, it's for my eyelashes."  He'll repeat it.  It's quite a lot of conversation during the whole process.  Today he told me, "Mom!  You are finally beautiful!" 

I love these little guys.  This is them, and our trunk this Halloween. 

God has blessed me incredibly.  I love all the laughing that goes on here!

Visiting With a Parent That Has a Sick Kid????

In talking to a few well-meaning folks I've learned a few things that parents of chronically sick kids or handicapped kids DON'T want to hear.

1.  We'd actually rather you not ask.  Just don't.  If we want you to know, we'll tell you.  If we've invited the conversation, or started it, that's fine, but please don't look at a child and say, "What happened?" or, "Whats wrong with him?"  Have some sensitivity.  You'd actually be surprised how often people feel entitled to ask these questions.

2.  Yes, we generally know things could be worse.  Our kids could have a worse affliction or be dead.  We know that.  We don't need to hear that.  We love our kids enormously, and are thankful to have them in our lives.  We thank God for them daily, in the same ways you thank God for your children. 

3. If we are having a bad day, a good way to help is to listen.  Let us cry.  We are not having a bad day because we are ungrateful, we are probably having a bad day because our child has received yet another diagnosis, our child has visited the lab yet again or we have been on the phone with the insurance company.  Again. (I speak for myself here, but I am generally too busy to wallow in self-pity.  When I have a bad day, it is uaually when my child has been poked and prodded.  Again.)  We just want to be heard, sympathized with and maybe understood.  

4.  Don't try to pin an illness/handicap on the parent.  We do that enough.  I guarantee that.  It's pointless.  Was it the medication we took while we were pregnant?  Was it a premature birth?  Could we/should we have insisted on different care for them as an infant?  We've already asked those questions.  We are plagued with them.  They are all pointless.

As with everything else in life, you don't know unless you've walked a mile in their shoes.  Don't judge.  Please.  Pray for us. Pray that we'll have the strength to see our child through this illness/handicap.  Pray for our child.  Pray that God will be glorified through this illness/handicap.  Pray for healing.  Pray.  Don't judge.

I have a child with a serious chronic illness that is generally internal, but his immune system is attacking his skin now and he has outward signs of being ill.  I have friends with handicapped children.  Beautiful, wonderful children.  Some with autism, one that had a stroke in-utero, others with significant disabilities.  And, all of these parents are amazing!  Several of us have had encounters this week with people doing one of the above.  It makes dealing with our children's handicap/illness that much harder.  

Bible Study Recommendation

If you are looking for a bible study that will change your life, I have one I'd like to recommend.  It's a Beth Moore study called Daniel.  If you have a chance to participate in this study - I highly recommend it.  You will get BIG benefits from this one.  The study is kind of intense, but there are some revelations that WILL change you.

Our Wednesday morning study group has done a Phillip Yancy study and a few Max Lucado studies, but we usually pick some lower-key study.  Something that doesnt require too much homework.  While I love the fellowship of our diverse group, I felt that we were really missing the boat on learning and growing through our study of the bible together. 

I'm so glad that we were led to do this study together.  Even the women that balked at the amount of work and time it would take to do the study (24 weeks since we have to split up the 12 week sessions......we are REALLY chatty), love this study. 

I hope you get a chance to do this one!  It's well worth the time! 

My boys and Ramsey (a Scout and homeschool friend) at the Tulsa Air and Space Museum.  This was one of many field trips we'll be taking this year with our co-op.  The boys loved the trip and enjoyed knowing that we were counting the day as "school".  Hamilton says things like "I couldn't do this if I was in public school."  I love that.

We watched a movie in the planetarium, and the kids learned a lot about our solar system.  I, myself, got REALLY motion sick, and remained sick the remainder of the day.

I love this way of learning - and I feel so fortunate to be able to do this!

A Third Grader?????

Sunday was the day all of the third graders got their bibles in church.  I loved watching him receive his bible, but was in disbelief that he is old enough to have one!  I used to look at the third graders and say to myself, "Those are the BIG kids - half grown." 

Well, I was mistaken.  They are babies.  Not anywhere near half grown.  Babies.  I still smell his head before bed every night for goodness sake.  I have to go find him now so I can pinch those wittle cheeks!  



Back in the Saddle, Again!

We are back in the saddle again!  We started schooling last week.  These were pictures of our first day of school.  I took probably 30 pictures - and these are the best ones, if you can believe that.  I used my little Kodak and the pre-flash timing makes my kids eyes close by the time the image is captured.  Oh well.

At least during this 110-115 degree heat, the kiddos have something to do inside.  We'll take a nice, long fall break in October!

Thankful

Matt returned to work today after his summer break.  While we were sad to have our summer break end, we are so thankful that he has a job.  He spent a large portion of his summer looking for another job - one with more growth opportunity, where he was valued.  He is working in early childhood eduction now, which he likes, but it's not really what he wants to be doing.  He filled out so many applications, but got no response.  We'll keep trying.  It's just a bad time to be looking for a job right now. 

We are starting back to school.  I'm also thankful for the opportunity to homeschool my boys.  I think they're a little less thankful!  I'm excited about the activities that we have planned, and the extra classes we'll be taking at our co-op.  The homeschool community is amazing!  Everyone is so willing to help and give advice.  My parents are still not supportive of our decision to homeschool, and they never may be, but I'm ok with that.

I'm also thankful that it's time to buy school supplies!  We are in desperate need of new markers, glue and I love to stock up on post-its!  I'm excited to cruise the isles of Wal-Mart and full my cart with supplies for the year!  We are also buying quality art supplies for an art class the two older boys are in.  They are really excited about that! 

Last but not least, I'm thankful for our air-conditioning!  I don't think I have to elaborate on that one much.  I can't wait for the smell of fall in the air.....come on, October!

Grrr....Spacing

So, I feel the need to say that I've been having problems posting my blog lately.  I'm really trying to keep up with posting, but the actual "Publish Post" button does not respond.  And, Blogger keeps taking out spacing for me.  Yes, I know that there should be spaces between paragraphs.  At this point though, I feel lucky just to get something to post!

Dad

I love living in this little town where I grew up. I love that my dad grew up here. I still think of it as a small town even though it's not. I miss it being little. It's not so big that you don't always bump into people you know - and I like that,

When I was growing up, it didn't take long to know that being the daughter of Larry Holland was something to be proud of. He was/is kind of a legend here. Dad was in the class that picked the Ram as our mascot and the colors for our school. He was a football star, dubbed the Golden Toe, and also a baseball star. He played basketball too and wasn't too shabby in that sport. Every store we would go in he would start chatting with old friends about old times (we affectionately call that "hey bubba-ing". At Friday football games he usually ran the chains as part of the officiating team. We loved Homecoming since the programs were handed out that night and we always checked to see if he still held the records he set in high school. He still does. :)

I've always been proud to be his little girl. I still love bumping into him at the store - and we do about once a week. The kids love seeing pa-pa out in the town, and I love watching him grin and play with the kids - all while checking out what's in my cart and asking me if I found any good deals. He always knows who has the best deal on this-or-that. It's kind of what the two of us do. That and garden. We chat about our peppers and how our tomatoes are blooming, but the plants are dark green like they should be. Only stuff dads talk about.

He has had three heart attacks, a quadruple bypass and has diabetes. He finally retired a few years ago after working his entire life as a machinist - mostly for the aero-space industry. He is the definition of "a good 'ol boy."

I feel so blessed to still be one of his little girls! And, when we run into each other in town, for a moment, I'm not a mom or a wife or any other role I currently play....I'm a little girl again. I like that.

Their School/Our School

Matt and I recently went to a homeschooling convention in town. There were so many wonderful seminars to attend, so we split up in order so absorb as much information as possible. Matt tended to go to the academic/brain training seminars, and I chose the more touchy-feely seminars.


One seminar was by Todd Wilson called "If You Pulled Them Out of Their School Because You Didn't Like Their School, Why Are You Making Your School Like Theirs?" (All his seminars had ridiculously long names.) Other than the fact that this man is VERY entertaining, he had such a good message. This seminar in particular got me to thinking.


I'm still trying to define our school and what we want as an end result. I don't know if I'm any closer to finding our mission statement than I was months ago. Do you ever get there? I know that I fought the notion that we were homeschooling to "shelter" our kids for a long time, but truth be told, I'm great with sheltering them. I want to shelter them. At least until I arm them with tools and knowledge of how to deal with whatever it is I'm sheltering them from. ??


Anyway - I LOVE this lifestyle. I think more people would, too, if they could get past the I-don't-have-the-patience attitude and the big socialization non-issue. Blech.


Days like today make me appreciate homeschooling more than ever. The boys were over-tired last night so I let them sleep until they woke up. I wanted to switch the laundry before we started bible study, so I did! Then our bible study was about Passover. In reading the material, I felt that maybe we should not just study Passover, but all the plagues God put on Egypt. The kids were really intrigued, so we spent quite a bit of time in Exodus. All this to say - we got a really late start today in "school". And - nothing we did in "school" today was more relevant than them being rested, me taking a few minutes to catch-up on chores, and the kids not being stressed out because I was forcing "school" down their throats.

Funny thing is, Hamilton spent 10 minutes on math today. Then he went to help Henderson mix colored water for an hour (with Harrison's help, of course!) They measured and poured and imagined and took turns and shared. Hamilton has the concept of having to "borrow" from the ten's column in subtraction. I can tell that in 5 math problems. I don't need him to do 30 a day to know that.

So - why do I feel so compelled to save papers? To grade papers? To keep on grade-level curriculum? I've seriously got to break out of the "Their School" mode. How do you break out of that mind-set? Any thoughts/tips????

Ok, Alright....

So, I'm a bit behind in blogging, eh? Since my wallpaper is still Valentine's Day, I'll agree (and I'll try to change that soon! Maybe I'll get a jump on the 4th of July! :))

A lot has happened since Feb. We started homeschooling Hamilton. What an exciting, nerve-wracking decision that was! Matt and I made the decision to pull him out of his public school at Spring Break. We knew it would be hard on him leaving his friends, but felt it was in his best interest to start homeschooling. We are all adjusting really well, and I think we all LOVE this homeschooling lifestyle.

Hamilton was so stressed out after school everyday. He had hours of homework every night and had lost interest in things that a 7 year old boy should want to do. Cub Scouts no longer interested him, church didn't really interest him and neither did playing outside. These were all BIG warning signs for Matt and me. We knew we had to reduce his stress level and reduce it fast!

So, here we are! It seems that the stress he felt was due to several things: time constraints, timed math tests, feeling inferior to his peers and the endless amounts of homework. He does have a tendency to daydream while he's supposed to be at task - but we work with that at our homeschool. :) I think that daydreaming at 7 is fine, and I think it's one of the blessings of being a creative child.

We've joined a co-op and are a part of another group in Owasso that a homeschooling friend of mine leads. We have found so much support in the Owasso community. We have gone on many field trips and done activities with many new friends. The boys especially love Lego Club. The co-op dumps a huge tub of Legos down the length of several tables and let the kids create for two hours. The really create some cool things!

We are looking forward to a summer break. I think we'll take most of June off, but then maybe school a little during the hot summer months and take some time off in the cool of fall. That's my plan, anyway. It does depend on if I can settle on a curriculum for Hamilton & Harrison. Henderson will be going to Yellow Balloon Preschool next year, so he'll only be home for our bible study in the mornings. Plus, when shopping for curriculum, I always seem to buy preschool activities like lacing boards and stringing beads. I'm a sucker for all things in primary colors! :)

I'm hoping to update with some more pictures soon. Hopefully I'll get back into the blogging "groove".

My Dear Friend, Spooky

Yesterday we had to put down our dear dog, Spooky. Spooky was a Weimaraner & Matt & I's first "baby". He was a gentle, protective, loving & happy dog. We loved him much. He helped raise our kiddos.

I remember when we brought Hamilton home from the hospital, my mom was going to babysit so Matt and I could get dinner. Mom came over and we left. Spooky then gave mom and gentle bark and laid by Hamilton's bedroom door. He was going to protect that baby! It didn't take much to get mom in the room with Hamilton - a few Teddy Grahams - but Spooky had made his intentions known & we all took comfort in that.

He guarded the kids outside when they played. One day I was busy in the flowerbeds and Hamilton slipped through a crack in the fence. Spooky went NUTS and would not quit until I went to see what was the matter. When I retrieved Hamilton Spooky gave him kisses and stayed right beside him the rest of the day.

Spooky was with me when I miscarried our little girl. He stayed with me, and I believe, he wept with me. He was always with me when I cried about whatever (I'm a bawl-bag sometimes). He would come put his head in my lap and bury his head in my armpit.

He was big. He smelled like a dog. He barked when someone went walking down our street. His toenails made marks in our hardwood floors. He occasionally tried to take food off the table. He ripped a screen off of the back door, and when he was a pup, he tore our phone line off of the house & chewed it in two. Three times.

But I loved him.

We all did.

There's a hole in the family.

We all miss him greeting us with his nubbin-wagging tail.

We miss our Spook-Dog, our Spook-a-Duke, our Spooky.

These are not very good pictures of him, as he was sick when we took them, but this is our precious Spooky.

Understanding...Need to Clarify

Ok, so in my previous post "Blizzard 2011" I posted something that then I did not understand, but now - I understand clearly. Crystal.

Beer in people's grocery carts. Lots of it. Cases of it. Beer isle in store - very bare by the end of the day last Monday. I made fun. I giggled inside. I scoffed. I shunned. I blogged.

I'm sorry. Very sorry.

I now understand the value of beer. And, lots of it. Next time we are forecasted 18 inches of snow, my cart will be full of beer. Cases. I, most certainly, will bump into my Pastors, folks from church, my child's teacher with a cart full of beer. I will be proud of my cart, and if their cart is not full of beer, I will suggest that they hurry right over and fill theirs, too, as the supply will surely be dwindling.

5 straight days without leaving my very small, old town property. One two year old. One 5 year old. One 7 year old. One husband. One large dog with something wrong with his leg. One pesky Basset Hound puppy. 21 + 4 inches of snow. Dwindling groceries. Way too much Nick Jr.. Ice Dams. Multiple Ice Dams. Water running down our painted, sheet rocked walls & dripping down the inside of our windows & then freezing. ALL good reasons to have beer. Lots of it.

A can an hour, and I think I may have dealt with it all a tad bit better.

Don't judge me.....

Gotta run....freezing rain & snow in the forecast for tomorrow....hopefully there's more beer available than we have snow plows in this little town! Meet you in the beer isle at Reasor's!

Blizzard Goings Ons

My dogs, Spooky (the weim) and Murphy (the basset.) We cleard them a path shortly after the snow stopped. Spooky, who is 10 and has a hurt leg, is less than thrilled. Murphy is still a pup and loves the snow. He runs in it, although his feet don't actually touch the ground. Cute. Stinky, but cute.





















These three little guys are my munchkins that relentlessly bothered us all day to go outside. Once the temperatures reached double-digits, I could take it no longer. It was worth the 10 minutes of peace to spend 20 minutes getting them bundled up, 30 minutes peeling off clothes and getting them re-dressed, 20 minutes getting hot chocolate ready & 2 loads of laundry. I caved. They were out for all of 10 minutes. The baby made it to the back of the yard, started crying & Matt had to carry him in.
















This, my friends, is our very own Ice Dam. It's really fun. It formed after the storm, and allows water to seep into our walls on the interior of the house. Our sheet rock in the kitchen and bathroom is mushy. Water that melts on the top of our roof, rolls down & under the ice & into our home. Cozy, no?


We are full of excitement here at the Roberts house! The kids are driving us nuts, I have a sinus infection, though I'm unable to get to the doc, and we have a hurt dog that needs to see a vet. Oh - and NOTHING sweet in the house. We've been on a diet. THIS IS NO TIME TO DIET FOLKS! I NEED CHOCOLATE & I NEED IT NOW! I'm going to try to find something to make with the Almond Bark left over from Christmas.....I might just resort to gnawing on it....


Despite our major home damage, we really are enjoying being together. Matt's been off work, and we've really been snowed in. There's no place open to go & even if there was, there is no way to get there! I love our little family & am thankful for this time to be snowed in together.

Blizzard 2011

Wow! We are waiting on one of the worst winter storms in 30 years tonight! And, let me tell you, if you were out and about today, you KNOW something big is coming!

We did prepare for the storm. We bought way too many groceries. We have a big stockpile of toilet paper & milk. I'm not sure why - but isn't that what you buy in a snowstorm??? We've spent WAY too much of our lives listening to & watching weather forcasts on the TV, radio & internet. Again, I'm not sure why - but isn't that what you do before a snowstorm? We've charged all of our rechargeable stuff, bought spare batteries & bottled up plenty of water. We are ready. Red Dirt Ready! :) (If you don't live in OK, I apologize - it's a disaster preparedness campaign that I think is ludicrous.)

Something that I don't understand is the need for huge quantities of beer. Every time I've been to the store since Saturday, I see people loading up their carts with beer - beer & chips. Am I missing something? I didn't stock up on beer or chips. I got a bunch of green bananas - but I missed out on the beer. Somebody help me understand! Should I run out really quick and get some? Does it stop my pipes from freezing, or melt snow off the front steps? There must be something to it......

Well, I'm currently trying to calm my kids down and put them in bed. They are so hyped up I'm having to peel them off the ceilings to get them to bed. Maybe people are using the beer to.......nah....probably not.

Kiddo Conversations

I picked up Hamilton from school today with the little two in tow. When Hamilton entered the van, I started the "mom after school questions" that most moms ask: How was your day? What did you eat for lunch? Tell me something about your day. ANYTHING to get something out of Hamilton other than, "It was fine." Or (my favorite reply to: What did you learn today?) "Nothing." I finally hushed and became content to listen to the radio - and then I hear this conversation coming from the back of the van:

Hamilton: Hey - I'm going to be an author or an illustrator when I grow up.

Harrison: Cool! Can I come?

Hamilton: Sure - do you know what they do?

Harrison: No. But I wanna come. What do they do?

Hamilton: Well, one writes the words to books, and the other draws and colors the pictures to the books. I don't know which one I want to be.

Harrison: I'd like to write the book's words with you. I'm going to be pretty busy though, I'm going to be a firefighter. Do they have days off? Maybe I can work on writing book words when I have a day off. But I'm going to be a daddy too - do they get days off?

Hamilton: I'm going to be a daddy too. Yeah, they get days off and I'll draw and color the pictures.

Harrison: Since I'm helping you with your book, you can help me hold my hose when I hafta fight fires, OK?

Hamilton: OK. Sounds good.


Let me tell you - MY KIDS HAVE GOT IT TOGETHER - at 7 and 5! How stinkin' cute is that? This conversation was so cute, I had a hard time breathing. All the while Henderson is chiming in, "Me too! Me too!" I'm going to be one proud mama of 3 great men in about 20 years! I know their plans may not always pan out, but I pray that they always involve each other! I know I couldn't make it without my sisters! Happy Tuesday, everyone!

Gonna Hafta Face It

I'm needing to vent, so you've been warned! (I'm also having a bit of a pity-party too!)

I was awake until almost 2 this morning thinking and worrying about Harrison's Crohn's. A friend of mine told me about a Chiropractor that specializes in the disease in children, and the chiropractor is right here in Owasso. She mentioned that the chiro had never turned away anyone from inability to pay. (We are doing all we can to keep up with medical bills at this point and don't have a lot of money to throw at "alternative" healing methods.)

A few months ago I took Harrison to a healer that looks in a person's iris and can tell what is wrong with their bodies. She told me that Harrison's colon was "very sick." This was before I told her about the diagnosis of Crohn's or any history at all. She recommended against the medical treatment that we are currently giving Harrison. He is on Imuran and his immune system is being suppressed right now. I was so confused when I left her office - did I rely on the herbal treatments she was suggesting, or did I stay with the medical doctor's advice?

So, if I go to this chiropractor, I'll be faced with the same decision - and I don't know the right thing to do! I pray and pray, but I'm not getting any "writing on the wall" about what the right thing to do is.

I HATE, HATE the fact that I've spent all my motherhood years feeding my children to make them grow & have healthy immune systems, and now every morning I'm giving him a tiny yellow pill that is killing his immune system. I certainly don't feel right about that! I lose sleep over that almost every night. I'm told by the Dr.'s that we are very fortunate that he has responded so well to this drug - that he could have to be on more powerful drugs - but I find myself unable to be thankful for that.

I also hate that he is 5 and dealing with all this. A little of me dies everytime we have to have another test done, another vial of blood taken. Again, I'm told how blessed I am to have a child that doesn't cry at needles, but, I am having a hard time being thankful for that. I'm supposed to have the answers, aren't I? I'm supposed to know how to best protect my child, and I have no idea. I'm very well-read on Crohn's now. I still have no clear path to take.

All I can rely on is that God is hearing my prayers and that He knows what's best for Harrison and He will protect him. I know God hears my prayers. But right now, I feel so alone. Some day, I'm going to have to face the fact that I have a sick kiddo and just "walk it off." Maybe I can just accept it someday. I'm not there yet. I'm still in some kind of weird mourning. In time I guess.....in time.

Going Down, Anyone??

So, almost 5 years ago I started on a weight loss journey, and one that proved to be successful for me. I started the Sonoma Diet. It cuts sugar out & limits your bread/cereal/pasta. It's not really low carb, but it's certainly not high carb either. I lost 115 pounds on this diet. I was going to go all the way! After being so big after my first two pregnancies and having pre-eclampsia and coming amazingly close to having seizures with both of them, I was told that I would not survive another pregnancy if I didn't lose some weight. So, wanting a third child, I lost a significant amount of weight.

And then came my sweet, funny baby #3! Tagging along with that was 50 extra pounds. So - he's almost 3 years old, and I'm hanging on to 40 of said 50 pounds. Way to go Janelle!

After many attempts to lose the weight by myself, I asked Matt to go on a diet with me. Matt has high blood pressure and a family history of heart disease & high cholesterol. He agreed and at the beginning of the month we started Sonoma again.

Matt has lost 10.5 pounds and I've lost 11.5 pounds. We are really on a roll. Matt is really into this and he should be at his goal weight this summer. While I have 40 to lose to be at my pre-pregnancy weight with Henderson, I would like to lose another 40 on top of that. Losing 80 pounds would still label me "overweight", but I'd be happy, and I think it'd be a good weight for me.

We took the boys out for pizza tonight. They had pepperoni and we had veggie. I ate three slices (way too much) and Matt had 2 slices. Stinker. Show off. Now I feel guilty and gross, but he said I should just move on and not be all-or-nothing. That's my diet pitfall. If I stumble at all, I figure I've already done bad...why not blow the rest of the day & have a pint of ice cream too???

I'm so thankful for Matt in so many ways - and we've done so many things together & we work well as a team - but I'm so glad he is doing this with me. He balances me. He talks me out of my extreme all-or-nothing attitude. I steer him clear of too much bread!

I'm excited about this challenge that we are doing together. We are dreaming of buying a new wardrobe of clothes for our newer, healthier bodies. How exciting. And this time, it's not so I can get pregnant again, it's so I can live the next 60 years of my life healthy! Who knows, maybe this time next year, I'll have reached my goal, and I'll shop in the normal stores for my clothes! That excites me.

I Want Snow!

I am wanting a big snow before this winter is over! I mean a BIG snow! Like the kind of snow that calls school out for a few days. The kind of snow where you panic mid-way through the snow storm thinking you forgot toilet paper during your "milk and bread" run to the store last night. The kind of snow that empties out the grocery store with people buying food (on their milk & bread run) like they are never going to eat again. Maybe even lose power for 2 hours - not longer though, because I like the adventure of it, but I'm a city girl & I like my fridge & hot showers.

My kids are hoping for a big snow too. In fact, they were so disgusted that we didn't have snow on the ground this weekend that they planted a garden. With canatlope. Lots of it. Lets hope our BIG snow will kill some of it out!

I know the storm headed this way later this week isn't supposed to be big, but, secretly, I'm hoping!

Live, Love, Life

This week has been hard on me emotionally.

I lost a second cousin unexpectedly this weekend. He was 75, and the picture of health, but died unexpectedly after a small surgery. He had a blood clot & died suddenly.

It's not that we were particularly close, but death jolts me. I know that I'm scared of it - I know many of my friends say they are not, but I don't understand that. I think more than fear, it's the reality of knowing that our lives that we are blessed to live every day can be over in a blink of an eye. Death can come in a long, labor intensive struggle, or it can come quickly and without warning.

I'm a planner. I like a routine. My family depends on my routines! Without them our house does not function. That being said, I'm not so sure I want to plan for that particular event in my life. I'm not sure I want to know about it in advance.

I'm a Christian, and I know that heaven exists and I feel confident that I will see heaven when I die. (Just thought I'd put a little disclaimer there.) I've had Christian friends not understand my fear of death - I mean - if you know you are going to heaven, whats to fear?? Plenty. Getting dead is one! And the great unknown - the mystery of it - it scares me.

I've thought about it a lot over the past few days. The death of a person close to me always makes me want to right my wrongs. Death always makes me want to live life to the fullest. Not necessarily sky diving or deep sea diving - but loving. Loving my family, friends and this wondrous earth that our God created for us.

Give some extra love this week. Give a hug, a smile, an encouraging word or some time to someone who needs it. Be a friend. Do it again the next week, and the week after that, and the week after that.....